This is going to be a hard post for me to write and might end up being hard for those to read who are experiencing the same things that I am. When I say mental illness, I am not speaking about psychosis, or bipolar. I am talking about depression and anxiety. Most specifically how it feels to be dealing with both in my brain while trying to keep with a keto lifestyle.
I haven’t delved into this very much on here, so this is going to be a very revealing post about myself personally for you guys.
As you all know, I have been living this keto lifestyle since January 8, 2018, and it has been serving me well. What you guys don’t know, is that I had surgery at the end of January. I won’t go into the gross details, but it was pretty rough on my body. I expected that. What I did not expect was the post-operative depression. It hit me like a bag full of hammers, and I have been dealing with it a little bit at a time from then on.
Now I don’t know about you guys, but I am an emotional eater. That is how I ended up at 309lbs. I didn’t know of a better way to deal with my anxiety and depression any other way, but I was determined to make this diet thing work. I was going to do this. I had to do this. I did not expect the depression to worsen when I couldn’t have ice cream and potatoes, but it did. My husband, James, is the most supportive person I have ever had in my life(other than my best friend Dianna), but he couldn’t figure out how to fix me. With him not being on the diet with me didn’t help either. It was the hardest couple of months I think that I have dealt with in a substantial amount of years.
I am still currently dealing with that bit of depression now, but I got news that I am going to have to have another surgery very soon, and the thought of having to deal with that same depression is causing me more anxiety than I have ever had before a surgical procedure.
Y’all, I just want ice cream, and a big stiff drink, but I know that it will be counterproductive. I honestly don’t know how this is going to work in the end. I know that I have to stay strong and keep to my grind, but knowing that I am going to be banished to the couch for 8 weeks to sleep very little, but still try to come to work after the first 2 weeks is still so overwhelming. I feel like I am drowning in anxiety.
This is not a cry for help, but I feel like sometimes we need to know what others are struggling with to know that, yes while I may be the picture of a keto queen, I am human, and I am dealing with all of this on my end and having as hard of a time as you are.